Those Words shared by A Father That Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You require support. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate between men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - spending a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."